They Say “Be Yourself”..

Posted: September 5, 2013 in Me, Myself, and I
Tags: , , , , , , ,

The first day of school is on Monday.

But technically that’s not the first day that I step into the school or see my classmates again for the first time after two months of summer vacation.

Yesterday I went into school because we all had to get our schedules and metro cards.

So that being said, yesterday was the day I met up with my friends and their friends and etc.

It’s funny, these past two months, I’ve imagined going back to school. Except I imagine me going back as not necessarily a different person, just more open, more me, more confident.

I think (as I probably always do), “This is it, this time I’m going to kick off this year with a little bit more of a self-esteem boost.”

I planned I would started it just from the day I pick up my schedule.

But yesterday was… in a word, familiar. The same old, same old.

While that’s good in some cases, I don’t want to be sucked into the same routine. I found myself sitting the same way, fidgeting the same way, and talking the same quiet careful way.

I want to let myself go this year. Be myself without waiting until a person gets close enough for me to let them in.

But a lot of times I get shy. A lot of times, my head is spinning with good stuff, stuff that wants to be said out loud but I hold back and let others take the show.

Because I figure that more often than not, it’s better just to bite your tongue because that’s the safer path to go.

Which is stupid, really, because that’s the cowards way out.

So now when the first day of school officially starts, I’m not going to wait until people look at me or ask me something before saying what I want.

I’m not going to clam up when my friends get off at their stop leaving me on the train with one of their guy friends.

I’m not going to say my jokes quietly because I don’t think they’re funny and wait until someone close enough to hear laughs out loud and shares.

I’m not going to hide.

I wanna be out there.

I wanna stop being so afraid.

There’s nothing to be afraid of.

At this point, I don’t give a damn about cliques.

I’ve handled bullies and teasing and being singled out.

So why I can’t I come fully out of my shell.

I know I can be awesome. I just don’t like to show it.

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