I Can Not Like You. (But I’m Pretty Sure I Do)

Posted: December 6, 2013 in Love
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

You know that moment when you realize that you long to talk to that one person maybe too often then you should.

That when you walk into the room, your’s eyes immediately scan the area looking for him?

That when you love talking to him because you smile better and you laugh longer.

That after two years of seeing him as a buddy, he suddenly seems to have grown up this year, more leaner muscles, and way more mature and good looking.

That moment when it hits you that you no longer see him as a buddy anymore.

That’s the moment when I say, “Crap.”

Because you see, that’s the moment when I know I’m screwed.

Because I hate it when I like a guy. And especially my friend. Someone I see everyday and admire.

I can’t cope with it. Because I am not going to “go for it”.

I won’t consider him liking me and us having a relationship.

I won’t. Because its too complicated.

And high school relationships never last.

And besides that, he really liked one my closest friends. And he’s still getting over her.

And I love him too much as a friend to risk that anyways.

So I can’t like him.

Yet, I do.

What I like about him? Jeez, there are so many things..

If you read the poem I posted on the last post, I mainly fell in love with the way he fell for my friend. The way he tried not to like her, but couldn’t help it, the longing look on his face when he looked at her.

I would love for him to look at me like that.

But I can’t wish for that.

It’s too risky.

He is really something though.

Sensitive. Funny. Playful. Childish. Understanding. And so vulnerable at times, it makes my heart ache.

It makes me want to hug him hard and protect him and ask him to do the same for me.

But that’s just my fantasy dreams talking.

I just have to be his friend. And he said I’m one of his closest friends.

So that has to be something.

So let’s just ignore the fact that I maybe possibly probably like him.

Because that doesn’t matter.

If only I could stop thinking about him.

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