My Heart Wants To Take Over

Posted: December 17, 2013 in Love, School
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Every time I like a guy, I am faced with a head vs. heart situation.

And you know, every time I start a school year, I promise myself that I won’t fall for another guy and it ends up happening? Damn.

So my current situation is that I can’t help but like this guy and it’s getting worse by the minute. All of a sudden, I’m formulating plans in my head so I can “accidentally” bump into him or at the very least, walk out of school with him and take the subway home together. And then when we’re in a group, I am calculating the possibility of the off chance that everybody else will have to go else where and me and him will be alone.

Which is dumb, because I don’t even wanna date the guy.

Why would I not want to date the guy I like you ask?

Well I could give you the perfectly reasonable long answer: I simply don’t have time for one, I should focus on school, my parents don’t allow me to date anyways so I would have to sneak around (never mind that I constantly do that anyways) etc.

And then there’s the cold, harsh, short, simple truth: I’m afraid of getting hurt. Not only that, I am afraid of messing things up. There’s just so many factors that come into play with a high school relationship. Everybody else, parents, school etc. And plus, they hardly ever last. Is it really worth giving up a valued friendship for a few months of cuddling and kisses?

My head is complicated, I know.

But besides that, why am I even thinking about this?

There is nothing to say that this guy might like me.

Even if feelings were to end up as mutual, I would chicken myself out and mess everything up anyways.

Why is this such a dilemma?

How do I deal with this?

How I focus my head to rule out everything that my heart says because when it comes down to it, my head has a brain, my heart doesn’t.

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Comments
  1. Imanni says:

    You should really befriend this guy. Sometimes it’s just your brain hitting over drive and thinking ahead when you see an attractive guy. By the time you’ve befriended him, usually, that attraction fades. Or it could get stronger, you never know. Don’t worry about not trying to fall for a guy either because, usually, people have a tendency to do what their told not to do.

    • juddin97 says:

      Ha, I’ve already befriended the guy. I’ve known him for the past two years but we got closer this year. It’s after getting to know him, seeing how much he grew, how much more different and better he is, both inside and out. Yeah.. I’m a lost cause.

      But thanks. Hopefully, it’ll blow over soon enough.

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