Archive for January, 2014

We all just need to express our feelings right? Just rant, explode, or even just curse a few people out to get things off our chests. Sometimes we want to talk about it with people. Sometimes.. we don’t.

If you don’t want to talk about it, why would you reach out to people then?

It’s like crying for help when you’re dangling off a cliff and then ignoring the hand that’s stretched towards you. Or the simplified version: simply screaming for attention but not doing anything with it.

People post status’s on Facebook- they use Facebook as their diary, venting their feelings, except they don’t really explain shit! And yeah, I get that Facebook is kinda public and you don’t wanna explain your personal issues on it, but why would you mention it in the first place? To just get it off your chest? Go find a person to tell your shit to, or better yet, buy a diary.

It’s just really annoying when you see a status like,

“FML”,

or,

“I just can’t take it anymore.. -feeling shitty”

And then when you comment, asking whats wrong (just trynna be a decent friend here) they just like your comment and ignore it.

I mean fine, don’t comment back. But you could hit me up, talk to me in person, say something.

Other people comment too, responding to her cry for help. But she simply turns away. If you can’t talk about it, why just concern everybody.

So everyone can sit there and wonder about you without being able to help?

How twisted is that?

disdain

If you’re gunna vent on facebook but not explain or talk to anybody just to buy a diary. They won’t ask questions, trust me. And if they do..

I suggest you go see a doctor about that.

 

So I haven’t been on in a while.

And for that you can blame chemistry.

See, I had a chemistry test today. Actually a re-test because I failed last time. So I had to spend every waking hour studying my ass off. And you know, it wouldn’t be such a big deal if it was another subject. But this is chemistry. Everybody fails chemistry. And even if you just passed, you didn’t really pass.

Wanna know why’s that? Because there’s a negative curve. So if you by some chance happened to get a 65, being the minimum grade to pass, they subtract one point. Yep, so you now have a 64. Which is a fail. Forcing you to retake it AGAIN.

I swear, the chemistry test is hard enough, and then they have to add a negative curve to it?? Who in the world decided THAT?

Is there simply just some chemistry devil out there, sitting there it’s office, thinking,

“Hmm, how can we make these kids suffer even more. The test is hard enough, but of course, there could be the off chance that a student could just pass with a 65 by simply guessing and using dumb luck. OH, I know, I’LL MAKE THE TEST HAVE A NEGATIVE CURVE. THAT WAY, EVEN IF THEY DO PASS, I CAN HOLD THEM BACK BY A POINT OR TWO.

Wonderful.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in an inner war with myself.

Like I know right from wrong but I do wrong and it starts bugging me and I don’t know what to do to make it right.

I’m a bad person. Okay, so I’m probably not. Maybe not completely. But sometimes I get mean. And I give attitude for no reason. But then, I feel like complete shit afterwards. Like, for days, I’ll feel like complete shit. It bugs me. It gets to me. It gets to me so much that I can’t even study for my midterm which is what I’m supposed to be doing now.

I’ve been giving attitude lately to one of my friends. And I don’t think he really did anything. Not really. It’s just- I feel dumb around him. He has a way of making me feel completely foolish. He doesn’t really brag about his grades- in fact, he doesn’t brag at all.

It’s the fact that when you ask him, he says his grades so nonchalantly, and he admits he doesn’t study at all, he doesn’t really try, and you have to wonder how the hell you can study your ass of to get an average grade and watch someone get awesome grades without trying.

And that got to me, I guess. It’s a problem. Maybe that makes me arrogant. I can’t stand the idea of someone else being smart without working their butt off. But that’s no reason to give them attitude.

And that’s what I’ve been doing. And he knows it too. And I bet you he knows why. And I know he knows. And so now, I feel terrible.

And that’s what lead me to rushing over to my blog to rant out all my thoughts and clear my head.

So now maybe, maybe, I can get to studying for my test.

This post is about my parents. So I’m warning you now. If you’ll criticize me for thinking this way, you can go elsewhere.

The thing is, I feel like I’m stuck. With them. Except not so literally. I’m stuck in the way I am with them and they way they are with me. I’m stuck in the life of a 12 year old basically. And I can’t get past this. Because at first, it was my parents punishing me. Then it was me punishing me because I couldn’t accept that I wasn’t perfect. Now it’s just the norm.

I can’t get past that. I have little to no freedom. As far as they know, I don’t talk to a single guy. I don’t hang out with friends. I have no life. I don’t even have a smart phone.

And here’s the point where you can criticize me. Tell me that I’m a brat. Wanting material things when other people have it worse. Yes, I get it, I have a roof over my head and food on my plate, I should so grateful. And I am grateful for that bit. But it’s not just that.

I don’t have trust. They don’t trust me. And I never asked for that trust. Because in reality, no kid really deserves trust. Every kid lies, every kid doesn’t tell the complete truth, don’t try to tell me otherwise. No kid is perfect. But without trust, there can be no relationship. At all.

Because I knew I could never count on myself to tell them the complete truth, 100%, all the time, I never thought I deserved the trust at all. And they accepted that. But I can’t live like this anymore. I’m getting older. Yet I’m living the same shitty old reality day by day.

If life was a movie, the main character would go to her parents, and they’d sit down in the comfy old living room together, and they’d have this big ole talk about each other’s feeling’s, and both sides would understand, and they’d compromise, it would end with a big ole hug and everything would be okay.

But life is not like that. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and count the days.

So recently a friend of mine was like “A girl in your AP Biology class is so hot.”

And I was thinking, “Who is he talking about? Everybody is smart in my class, there’s no one who dresses like a slut.”

Forgive me if my thoughts are too blunt or cruel, but you must understand, these were my thoughts, they came automatically, and unfortunately honestly.

Later, my friend told me the name of the girl he thoughts was “hot”. I was like “Oh, her? She’s pretty,”

And he goes, “Yeah, that’s what I said,”

I rolled my eyes and said, “No, you said she was hot.”

He looks at me with a dumbstruck face. “Isn’t that the same thing?”

So I sighed and explained to him the difference:

No, they are not the same thing. When guys call girl’s “hot” it’s usually because they have a “hot body”. As in, tiny waist, big breasts, and a high round butt.

Pretty would be a pretty face- natrually pretty- good features that don’t need a hot body.

So no, my friend, they are not the same thing.

In fact, calling a pretty girl “hot” is pretty much an insult. Pretty girls don’t need a “hot body” because they are pretty. Hot girls are usually not very pretty by the time guys have dragged their eyes up to their face from their body. And that’s why they work so hard to flash off their “hot body”.

Duh.

Let’s just forget our morals

Let’s just change our clothes

Let’s do what we know is wrong

Because that what the cool kids do.

Let’s have a laugh

Let’s make a joke

Let’s be exclusive

Because that’s what the cool kids do.

Let’s get crazy

Let’s get wild

How about think for a second?

Nahh- that’s not what the cool kids do.

1: Pick out an outfit that exaggerates your assets. For example, a shirt that makes your boobs pop up like balloons and maybe some shorts that could be mistaken for panties.

2: Make sure you are in your bathroom with the toilet as your background.

3. Hold your camera phone away from you, but at a higher position, never directly straight in front of you. This is to make you appear “smaller” even though you have worn clothes that make you appear bigger.

4. Bend your knees a little and squeeze your shoulders closer to you so that a nice line appears on your cleavage.

5: Pucker your lips into a duck face and click the capture.

6. (Optional) Post the picture online with a nice filter with either of the following captions:

– I look ehh but whatever

– All natural

– Blurry, and I look fat, but whatevs

Congratulations! You have now learned one of the most important skills of being the typical air-headed teenage girl.