I Love ‘Em But I Hate ‘Em

Posted: January 20, 2014 in Me, Myself, and I, Parents/Siblings, Stupid Rants
Tags: , , , , , , ,

This post is about my parents. So I’m warning you now. If you’ll criticize me for thinking this way, you can go elsewhere.

The thing is, I feel like I’m stuck. With them. Except not so literally. I’m stuck in the way I am with them and they way they are with me. I’m stuck in the life of a 12 year old basically. And I can’t get past this. Because at first, it was my parents punishing me. Then it was me punishing me because I couldn’t accept that I wasn’t perfect. Now it’s just the norm.

I can’t get past that. I have little to no freedom. As far as they know, I don’t talk to a single guy. I don’t hang out with friends. I have no life. I don’t even have a smart phone.

And here’s the point where you can criticize me. Tell me that I’m a brat. Wanting material things when other people have it worse. Yes, I get it, I have a roof over my head and food on my plate, I should so grateful. And I am grateful for that bit. But it’s not just that.

I don’t have trust. They don’t trust me. And I never asked for that trust. Because in reality, no kid really deserves trust. Every kid lies, every kid doesn’t tell the complete truth, don’t try to tell me otherwise. No kid is perfect. But without trust, there can be no relationship. At all.

Because I knew I could never count on myself to tell them the complete truth, 100%, all the time, I never thought I deserved the trust at all. And they accepted that. But I can’t live like this anymore. I’m getting older. Yet I’m living the same shitty old reality day by day.

If life was a movie, the main character would go to her parents, and they’d sit down in the comfy old living room together, and they’d have this big ole talk about each other’s feeling’s, and both sides would understand, and they’d compromise, it would end with a big ole hug and everything would be okay.

But life is not like that. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and count the days.

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