Last Year As A Teen..?

Posted: December 21, 2015 in Life, Love, Me, Myself, and I, Our Society Itself..

Hi everyone.

I wasn’t sure what to title this post because I’m not entirely sure what this post will be about. I think it will be centered around my evaluation of my life since I’ve last written here. My last blog post was written over a year ago.. I can’t even begin to apologize because really, what can I say? It’s my responsibility to keep up this blog but sometimes life happens and the more time there’s been since my last post, the less motivated I feel to get up and write. There’s just so much to say, so much ups and downs and things I’ve accomplished in the last year.

The last time I posted, I had turned 17. Some of my posts around that time had been about a guy from work that I liked, a 19 year old guy that I was trying very hard to not catch feelings for. But as the cliché saying goes, the heart wants what it wants and no matter how hard I tried to keep my distance, I could not ignore the spark between us. I am very blessed to say that we ended up together and we have completed a year and 5 months together. We shared our first kiss on July 18th, 2014 and a couple months later, he turned 20, and June of 2015, I turned 18 and a few months ago, he turned 21. So yeah, time has definitely flown by.

So about this guy.. where do I even start? He is definitely different and just so much more amazing than I thought he was when I first met him. He cares for me deeply and makes me truly feel beautiful. He means every word he says and he’s straight up and real and he’s relaxed and comforting and supportive. He listens and while I’m a complex algebra expression, he is my simplified answer. That is not to say he isn’t deep, he’s got a mind that’s intelligent and evaluates things and holds strong opinions that he’s not afraid to stand by. If I’m being shallow, he’s everything I wouldn’t imagine being with; he seems ghetto on the exterior, he’s a different nationality and culture from me, and he’s anti-religion and doesn’t even believe in marriage. But when I look at the person inside, he’s everything I couldn’t imagine being without. He may not believe in religion or marriage (because of the negotiating, and the paperwork defining love and all that) but he believes in us and that’s what’s so beautiful about him. He doesn’t believe in God but he’s supportive of my beliefs and I admire his courage to state he doesn’t believe in God and state his reasons why. I especially admire his ability to push past the facts that we are both from different cultures and types of families and although our parents disprove of us together, he is still able to imagine a future with me. He makes me believe in us and makes me stronger and he makes me more optimistic.

One day, my best friend asked me, “Why him? Why not any other guy? Any other guy could probably do the things he is doing to make you happy.” But I explained that it’s not just him, it’s the effect he has on me, the way he makes me feel, and the things he makes me want to do for him. I have posts here complaining about how society says that girl’s are supposed to learn how to cook for their husbands. But, my guy makes me want to learn how to cook for him. He makes me want to envision living with him, cooking for him, caring for him, and making him happy, thus making myself happy. He makes me want to do everything I can to prioritize him and be the best girl to him I can be. He makes me feel feelings that feel overwhelming, feelings that make me cry at night when I think about what could happen if I lose him. But so much of this experience has taught me that it’s no use worrying about the future, all I can do is work my hardest to create a good path from now and make the present the best time I can make it. I’m aware of the fact that the more I feel now, the more it will hurt if it’s over.. but I know that for the feelings I feel now, it’s all worth it. I want to let go and just love completely and without regret because even if it ends, I’ll have the memories to cherish and the only thing I’ll regret is not giving it my all when I could.

So that’s all for the update on my love life if anyone was interested. As for my friends, I’m at an interesting point in my life because after high school is when you realize who your true friends from high school really were. I just completed my first semester in college, and I am still close to my best guy friend who attends a different college from me and I see him at least once every week and talk all the time.

 

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