Archive for the ‘Parents/Siblings’ Category

People piss me off. I get pissed off. I refrain from yelling. Makes me want to cry instead. I should yell. I should scream. But I have patience. Y’know? I know.

People piss me off. My parent’s piss me off. My dad pisses me off. My sentences right now piss me off but I am too pissed off to care.

Where do I even begin? I heard it’s a middle-eastern man thing. Explanations for my dad. Hot-tempered, unreasonable, unrealistic, oozing pride, increasingly testing my patience and increasingly pissing me off.

Told me to call his pharmacy to order his medicine refills and then gets pissed off when I ask when he wants to go in to pick up his medicine. Because apparently it’s common sense for ME to know when HE wants to go in and pick up his medicine? I DON’T KNOW.

And it’s not just this, this is just the cherry on top of a big nasty milkshake that I am tired of that drove me to write this post. Just to get this mad negative energy out.

The milkshake consists of a lot of things. It consists of his stupid pride in not wanting to learn things he does not know how to do but relies on me for because he doesn’t want to ADMIT THAT HE DOES NOT KNOW. And then leaving threatening voicemail on my phone when I’m out because HE NEEDS ME TO DO SOMETHING FOR HIM THAT HE SHOULD KNOW HOW TO DO. Like scanning a document to send to his lawyer. Seriously.

Patience patience patience tested and increasingly decreasing. Does that even make sense? Should I even reread this post to see if any of this makes sense? Nah. Because I don’t care. Because I’m mad. Well.. less now that I’ve written this and gotten it out.

But still.

Peace.

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So apparently according to my mom, a wife being able to cook is the sole foundation of a good marriage. Really, this isn’t the 80’s, and we’re not in South Asia.

Haha, I went to help her out in the kitchen today. And after a few minutes of her watching me hopelessly spending way too long cutting out awkward shaped pieces of onion (I mean really, they’re all going down the same way, whatever), she was like, “Just go do the dishes, I feel bad for your future husband.”

Really! Ha, my husband should be the one cooking for me. Okay.. not all the time, but like special occasions and such. And I’m 17! I’ll learn later! And why exactly are we discussing my ‘future husband’ now??

My mom amuses me sometimes.

I pleaded, “TAKE MINE WITH YOU!”

Haha. So today, my mom decided to attend an event at one of her friend’s house.  And naturally, she dragged us along.

I didn’t really wanna go because

a: Her friend’s are like old ladies trying to “hip” and “modern” (not cool) and

b: I was just too lazy to go.

But whatever, I went because frankly, there wasn’t much to do at home.

Now the thing is, the “event” or get together or whatever you wanna call it, started a bit later. So it was like having dinner and then dessert and then really just wasting time as the mom’s talk about who’s wearing what. Okay.

So then it’s almost 11pm and my dad calls from work and asks my mom where she is.

And my mom tells him that we are all at my cousins house. Meanwhile, my cousin’s family is with us in my mom’s friend’s house.

Aka, she lied. Blatantly. This is her reasoning:

“Your dad’s just going to worry about us walking home at this hour of the night. If he think’s we’re at your cousins house, he won’t care since they live down the block. Let’s not worry him.”

So she was doing him a favor.. ?

It just amused me, how she let go of her morals like that. Teeny white lie, something I would use against her.

Even though lately, I’ve been feeling guilty when I lie like that.

I must be growing up, or something. Oh no.

Let’s be real guys. Ever heard that phrase before.

It’s the phrase that just about every mother uses in just about every single argument. And I’m really sick of it. How can you use something that happened before I even existed against me? That’s just not fair.

So I have a part time job now. And I only make 8 bucks an hour and I only work weekends. I don’t use money as much but that still isn’t exactly a lot. But it’s something.

When I first started working, I loved the idea of having my own income. My first paycheck- I used it for a family meal.

I even considered bringing dinner home once and I was considering using it to help with little things like grocery and such. But that changed pretty quick.

Wanna know why? Because all of a sudden my mother started hinting about all the things I would be able to buy for her now that I make money.

And I don’t mean casual little things.

She’ll sit on the sofa and go, “Soon, my daughter will be able to buy new expensive sofa’s for the family.”

And you know, I would if I could. But it really doesn’t make me feel better if she just sits there and asks for it.

Mother’s Day is next Sunday. And you know, I always get her something for Mother’s Day. Before, it was small, cheap things. But now that I have money, this year I was already planning to get something nice.

But for the past month or so,  she’s been saying stuff like, “Who know’s what your going to get for me this Mother’s Day.”

And you know, the way we work is that we joke around a lot. She said that jokingly, so I jokingly said, “I don’t even know when Mother’s Day is so you should remind me on the day so I can pluck a flower out of our garden to give you.”

She laughed it off and it’s really always like that. Lately, the way she just expects me to get her stuff is getting annoying though.

Even my little brother came to me asking for 20 dollars yesterday. He’s 9! What does he need it for?

So today me and my mother went out to cash in my latest check and my dad called.

I jokingly told him that this time I was going to split the cash in half and give half to him and the other half to my sister because they were the only ones in the family that didn’t ask me for money now that I have a job.

He laughed it off and said, “That’s not necessary, it’s okay.”

My mom took everything serious all of a sudden; asking if she’s ever used any of my money and such.

I said, no, but you sure ask for it (again, jokingly).

But walking back home, she wouldn’t even look at me. Saying stuff like, “I carried you around for nine months. Only to see you grow up and insult me.”

Okay, so I made a statement and I hurt her feelings. But I told her I didn’t mean to, it was a joke.

And now she’s still acting like such a drama queen, ignoring me and shit.

I don’t what to do and I feel like shit. The funny thing is I don’t even think she considers her kids feelings when she talks, but if we make a tiny statement that gets her upset she acts like we’ve been horrible to her.

You just can’t.

You can try to guide them in the right direction. You can teach them right from wrong. But you can’t stop them from making mistakes and learning from them. 

I see parenting all over the place where the parents are so obsessed with who their child talks to that they literally try to control their life. You can’t do that. Just like, some point after kindergarten, you can’t really tell your children who they can and can’t hang out with.

I’m so sick of parents trying to adjust a kids life and try to keep them away from people who will give them ‘bad ideas’. In fact, I think kids, especially teenagers should be exposed to these ‘bad influences’. You know why? So they can learn to say NO.

Everyone should be offered an illegal drink or a cigarette as soon as they step into high school just so they can practice saying “No, that’s really not good for me” instead of having to depend on their parents to keep them away from those people in the first place.

Because parent’s can’t shield you from the bad world forever.

You need to see the reality. You need to be exposed to stuff that could lead you down the wrong path just so you could learn to make that turn and do the right thing.

Cuz at the end of the day, your parents don’t have that power- YOU DO.

I feel suffocated sometimes as a teenager. Not even, just being in my house, being around my family sometimes suffocates me. Just because everything is so restricted and everything you do and say gets thrown right back at your face.

It’s really hard keeping it together sometimes when all you wanna do is throw a tantrum like “a typical teen” and slam some doors and turn up the music and pout for a while.

Sometimes I just wonder, when the hell can I get out of here? When can I move out, is more like it.

I wanna be independent. I wanna be free. Free of any rules and restrictions and troubles. Although I’m smart enough to know that moving out won’t help any.

I miss being a kid. When I was young, I had my future all planned out.

I would turn 18, have such great grades that I would go to a school far away from home.

And that would be it. That would be my one way ticket out of here. Just use that to run away and never come back.

The future seemed so much cooler to think about whens a kid.

This post is about my parents. So I’m warning you now. If you’ll criticize me for thinking this way, you can go elsewhere.

The thing is, I feel like I’m stuck. With them. Except not so literally. I’m stuck in the way I am with them and they way they are with me. I’m stuck in the life of a 12 year old basically. And I can’t get past this. Because at first, it was my parents punishing me. Then it was me punishing me because I couldn’t accept that I wasn’t perfect. Now it’s just the norm.

I can’t get past that. I have little to no freedom. As far as they know, I don’t talk to a single guy. I don’t hang out with friends. I have no life. I don’t even have a smart phone.

And here’s the point where you can criticize me. Tell me that I’m a brat. Wanting material things when other people have it worse. Yes, I get it, I have a roof over my head and food on my plate, I should so grateful. And I am grateful for that bit. But it’s not just that.

I don’t have trust. They don’t trust me. And I never asked for that trust. Because in reality, no kid really deserves trust. Every kid lies, every kid doesn’t tell the complete truth, don’t try to tell me otherwise. No kid is perfect. But without trust, there can be no relationship. At all.

Because I knew I could never count on myself to tell them the complete truth, 100%, all the time, I never thought I deserved the trust at all. And they accepted that. But I can’t live like this anymore. I’m getting older. Yet I’m living the same shitty old reality day by day.

If life was a movie, the main character would go to her parents, and they’d sit down in the comfy old living room together, and they’d have this big ole talk about each other’s feeling’s, and both sides would understand, and they’d compromise, it would end with a big ole hug and everything would be okay.

But life is not like that. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and count the days.