Posts Tagged ‘crush’

You know that moment when you realize that you long to talk to that one person maybe too often then you should.

That when you walk into the room, your’s eyes immediately scan the area looking forĀ him?

That when you love talking to him because you smile better and you laugh longer.

That after two years of seeing him as a buddy, he suddenly seems to have grown up this year, more leaner muscles, and way more mature and good looking.

That moment when it hits you that you no longer see him as a buddy anymore.

That’s the moment when I say, “Crap.”

Because you see, that’s the moment when I know I’m screwed.

Because I hate it when I like a guy. And especially my friend. Someone I see everyday and admire.

I can’t cope with it. Because I am not going to “go for it”.

I won’t consider him liking me and us having a relationship.

I won’t. Because its too complicated.

And high school relationships never last.

And besides that, he really liked one my closest friends. And he’s still getting over her.

And I love him too much as a friend to risk that anyways.

So I can’t like him.

Yet, I do.

What I like about him? Jeez, there are so many things..

If you read the poem I posted on the last post, I mainly fell in love with the way he fell for my friend. The way he tried not to like her, but couldn’t help it, the longing look on his face when he looked at her.

I would love for him to look at me like that.

But I can’t wish for that.

It’s too risky.

He is really something though.

Sensitive. Funny. Playful. Childish. Understanding. And so vulnerable at times, it makes my heart ache.

It makes me want to hug him hard and protect him and ask him to do the same for me.

But that’s just my fantasy dreams talking.

I just have to be his friend. And he said I’m one of his closest friends.

So that has to be something.

So let’s just ignore the fact that I maybe possibly probably like him.

Because that doesn’t matter.

If only I could stop thinking about him.

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You know, in many ways, having a crush on a guy is very quite annoying.

For one thing, it’s distracting.

And what if you don’t want to like him?

What if you know you shouldn’t like him?

What if you’re just trying to concentrate on your schoolwork and not get involved with boys and yet this guy just comes around with his sweet talking and your head gets jumbled?

It’s annoying because you can’t help it and you need to get him out of your head.

I need to get him out of my head.

I mean for godsake, I don’t even know for sure if he likes me.

Although he has dropped a few hints. Okay, maybe a bit more than a few. And even other people think he likes me.

But it doesn’t matter. Because I’m not interested.

Because this guy is not the type of guy that I usually talk to and sometime he says some really messed up things and sometimes he really annoys me because sometimes he just gets to me.

Like that time when he said I needed to loose weight. He moved halfway across the room to cut into me and my friend’s conversation to inform me that I need to loose weight. Of course, I acted like I couldn’t care less and dismissed him, but how is that not supposed to hurt?

But then, my friends tell me that the only reason he did that was to get your attention, I mean duhh.

Well that’s a really elementary method of trying to get a girl’s attention, by insulting her. But that was earlier on in the year. When I thought of him as a complete jerk.

But lately, we’ve been getting along. After he made that comment about my weight, I would take every chance I get to make fun of him and we would just be at it with each other for a while. Until he stopped, and so did I.

And now, we’re somewhat friends. And these last few days, he’s been dropping hints. Little things.

Like in class when he called my name over and over again and I said “What??” in an annoyed tone and he just gives me grin and says, “Nothing, you’re beautiful.”

Now what kind of girl doesn’t get warmed by that?

And then the other day, he took the long way home so I wouldn’t have to go home alone after the school concert. And he offered me some popcorn.

Since we were getting along so well, I took some and teased him, “Why are you offering me? I thought you said I had to loose weight?”

And he smiles and goes, “What? No, I never said that.. I didn’t mean it.”

And I’m a forgiving person so I just shrug and let it be. And when we’re walking too fast and I complain that my shoes hurt he slows down right away and lets me catch up. And now, I just think, he’s kind of..sweet?

Except I really don’t want to think that.

He’s transferring schools next year and I have my finals and stuff to focus on and this is just not acceptable to me.

Except he won’t get out of my head and I can’t stop thinking that I like the fact that it seems he really likes me and even though he seemed like a jerk at first he’s turning out to be really kind of sweet.

But no. I must get that out of my head.

Because I just don’t have time for this silly little crush.

And I don’t have time to argue with myself either (which I do a lot, in case you haven’t noticed).

Ego Blow

Posted: April 13, 2013 in School, Teenage Boys..
Tags: , , , , , ,

I’m sure everyone’s had a moment in their lives when someone was interested in them and they just didn’t feel the same way. But it still gives you a good feeling inside that someone was interested in you. It doesn’t matter who you are, how many people are interested in you, it’s a nice feeling that someone likes you. Isn’t it? Don’t lie, you know it is.

Well that is until you hear people saying how that person has had a crush on just about every other girl in the school. Talk about a blow to the ego, haha. To think I was sitting there thinking, “Wow, he had a crush on me? Even though, I don’t feel the same way, that’s kinda cool.” I think that every time it happens unexpectedly. Then I hear other girls talking among themselves and saying, “Oh, him? He had a crush on me about a month ago. Asked out my friend a few weeks ago too.” Nice.

Anyways. It doesn’t matter. Cuz I wasn’t interested anyways. So it’s all good.