Posts Tagged ‘help me’

Miserable At This Point

Posted: February 22, 2014 in Life
Tags: , , , , , ,

I have too much on my plate.

It seems I keep coming back here this year: going out of my mind because it’s all simply too much.

I have a part-time job now. I applied because I know they hire people around this time of the year and I didn’t want to wait until summer because they hardly hire anyone over the summer.

So now I work on the weekends. I also work every time we have a week off in school. Which was this week. And it’s been about a month since I’ve been working now. And I can tell you that it’s really tiring. And the part that sucks the most is that I still can’t get things right. I keep messing up and the managers always see and they get pissed off and today, I was about to just collapse and burst into tears.

But of course, I would never forgive myself if I let myself get out of control like that.

And now, not only do I have this job to worry about, I also have school, let’s not forget that. I have to keep up my grades. I have to study for the SAT. And I’m a part of the Law Team in my school and we have a competition on Tuesday.

It’s just too much. And it’s really the job that’s getting annoying now. And I can’t even admit it because I wanted it. And I like getting paid. I just need to get used to it. No matter how much attitude my manager gives me. No matter how much I mess up. I need to learn. And I need to deal.

So I’m holding my breath. And washing away my tears. And sucking it up.

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So I haven’t been on in a while.

And for that you can blame chemistry.

See, I had a chemistry test today. Actually a re-test because I failed last time. So I had to spend every waking hour studying my ass off. And you know, it wouldn’t be such a big deal if it was another subject. But this is chemistry. Everybody fails chemistry. And even if you just passed, you didn’t really pass.

Wanna know why’s that? Because there’s a negative curve. So if you by some chance happened to get a 65, being the minimum grade to pass, they subtract one point. Yep, so you now have a 64. Which is a fail. Forcing you to retake it AGAIN.

I swear, the chemistry test is hard enough, and then they have to add a negative curve to it?? Who in the world decided THAT?

Is there simply just some chemistry devil out there, sitting there it’s office, thinking,

“Hmm, how can we make these kids suffer even more. The test is hard enough, but of course, there could be the off chance that a student could just pass with a 65 by simply guessing and using dumb luck. OH, I know, I’LL MAKE THE TEST HAVE A NEGATIVE CURVE. THAT WAY, EVEN IF THEY DO PASS, I CAN HOLD THEM BACK BY A POINT OR TWO.

Wonderful.

.

.. They require lots of pushing and shoving and hard work to kick out. And they are knocking on your door in the blink of an eye while you are enjoying a blissful moment with some fried chicken wings.

Aren’t they so annoying?

Pounds I mean, not lingering house guests. Although, those are very annoying too.

My fellow fitness followers, do you all remember back when a few months ago, I started writing up all this “Wednesday Workout” and exercising posts?

I’m sure I whined a lot in those posts, but you know what? During that time, I got the exercises done.

I moved my body.

I bullied myself just enough so I could become obsessed with the “Loosing Weight” articles online and the workouts by Jillian Michael.

And I did loose pounds. I don’t recall actually sharing it on here, but I did.

I think the reason I didn’t share here was because I only managed to loose about 5 pounds. And I was certain I could loose more and figured I would write a post about it once I got to my goal weight.

But then..

I saw some food I had been depriving myself for a while and thought, why not? I thought, I lost some, I think I can reward myself.

The problem with these types of rewards though, is that you don’t know when to exactly stop rewarding yourself.

At first, I was paranoid that once I ate something I really liked, I would gain back pounds right away,

To be honest, that didn’t happen. I ate, and I certainly didn’t loose pounds, but I didn’t gain either.

So I thought, well okay, maybe I should extend my little vacation from dieting.

I thought as long as I didn’t gain it back, it’s all good.

Except now I can’t even remember when I stopped all my strategies and plans all together- including weighing myself on a daily basis.

And now, wouldn’t you know it, those lingering house guests have barged right in one more time!

I gained everything back! And counting! This calls for drastic changes to go back to my ways with even fiercer methods and STICK to it!

Hopefully.