Posts Tagged ‘jokes’

Don’t you just love knowing people like to be around you?

Having someone who you know you can make laugh when you want feels so amazing.

I have this friend, and honestly, I think I have written quite a few posts about this guy.

But I still won’t tell who.

And he’s a friend. And awesome friend. And he thinks of me as an awesome friend.

And I know this because he tells me that he likes talking to me because I give him realistic advice and I get people in a good mood.

Now isn’t that a nice thing to hear?

And when we’re out with friends and I comment something, joke around, or casually diss someone, he backs me up saying that if I said it, it must be right because I am apparently the “smartest person he knows.”

Well, that could also mean that he hangs out with a lot of idiots..

But overall, I took it as a compliment.

And I just love talking to him because I can tease him and make fun of him and he takes it so well. And he’s so fun to be with and light to talk to.

And if I had to write a paper on him, I could write the best essay out there and go on and on about him.

Because the thing about him is that he’s so unique and there’s really no one else in the world like him.

And I was actually chatting with him a few minutes ago.

Had no idea how to start the conversation. So I sent him a picture of a cat sleeping and said, “You, when it’s time for school.” (He is often an hour late to school because of over sleeping).

And just like that, the conversation has started.

He sends me back a picture of a pissed of cat and says, “Hahaha, You when I know something is wrong with you.”

This is an insider between us. All through out last year, I had random days where I had terrible days and the slightest of things would mess up my mood for the day.

I was pretty good at hiding it from other people (or maybe it’s that nobody really cared to ask what’s wrong) but as soon as I saw HIM he would be like “What’s wrong?”

And it got frustrating after a while, because he could tell so easily and I just couldn’t hide a single thing from him because he noticed every goddamn thing.

And he was proud of the fact too.

So that’s how our conversation started today after a while of not talking to each other due to our busy lives.

And our conversation just flows.

I tell him, “Ugh, 5 seconds into the conversation and you’ve already managed to annoy me,” he tells me, “Hahaha, It’s a gift, and what’s up?”

And so it goes.

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Don’t ask why, but I personally know A LOT of corny pick-up lines.

You had to ask why.

Fine, I’ll tell you.

It’s because once I had a guy friend who was flirty and lived for this kind of stuff and we would break nights sending each other corny pick-up lines to see who could out do each other.

Obviously along the line, chemistry formed and then obviously, being that it was my love life, it all crashed and burned.

But that was a long time ago and it’s a long story I’d rather not go back to.

ANYWAYS.

The pick-up lines have stuck on me and I always crack a few to get my friends chuckling every now and then.

Well today is the day I am going to share some of my favorite corny, or dirty, pick-up lines. Enjoy.

1) I lost my teddy bear- would you sleep with me instead? (Personally, I really like this one because the idea of a teddy bear is just so frickin cute.)

2) I lost my phone number, can I have your’s instead?

3) If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put “u” and “i” together. (You would think it couldn’t get cornier than that.)

4) Did you fart? Cuz you blew me away! (That had the guys doubled over laughing.)

5) My love for you is like diarrhea- I can’t hold it in. (Cuz it’s so romantic to describe love as a pooping malfunction.)

6) Do you know karate? Cuz your body is kickin!

7) If you were a car door, I would slam you all night long.

8) Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes. (This is another one I find cute and cheesy.)

9) Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by you again? (Another of my favorites; witty and clever.)

10) If I said “you have a nice body”, would you hold it against me? (Haha, a classic Brittany Spears pick-up line.)

Well there you go, the next time you spot somebody you have your eye on, go over and talk to them. But as promising as these lines seem,

don’t use them.

They say some people know you better than you know yourself.

Now that’s cute and all, but wouldn’t you want to find something about yourself before someone else does?

Good or bad, I wouldn’t want a random person to figure something out about me that I didn’t know myself.

So I try to know myself. Learn stuff that I do, ways I act, how my own personality is basically. You might call it analyzing myself. So here’s what I know about me:

1. I notice a lot of things. Like little things, common things that other people don’t notice. I don’t mean I could be a detective or something, master of “spot the difference” (though I do kick-butt in those spot the difference pictures). But I mean noticing key elements in other people’s personalities. Things that people say or do to avoid a subject. What gets to them, what makes them flinch. I notice when someone doesn’t particularly like a person and is trying their best not to show it. I notice when someone has a crush on someone but is trying to deny it even to themselves that they do. I notice when people rearrange their personality to suit the people they are talking to. When people act a certain way to attract attention to themselves. Somehow, I turn everyday life into one of my AP English literature books and I analyze everything. It might be weird, but it comes in handy and it’s amusing at times.

2. I’m nice 90% of the time and that 10% that I get mean, it’s either by accident, I meant it as a joke, or my jokes went too far. And the thing about when I get mean is that I probably feel 10 times worse as the person I was mean to. I mean seriously, I already said it, and being me, I always apologize soon enough if I realize I did or said something wrong, and its not like I can take back the words that already came out of my mouth, but no, I still feel so bad. For the rest of that day, the moment would replay in my head and torment me until I just want to turn back the hands of the clock and fix my mistakes. Which is kind of aggravating, because I’m usually nice, and people should be allowed to make mistakes, and the people around me know I’m nice, when I’m mean they know I didn’t mean it so it’s probably okay but I still end up beating myself up over it.

3. I love to joke around. Which can be a problem, depending on how you look at it. With #2, me being nice, usually people know that I’m joking. But sometimes it can get annoying, too constant you know? I have to stop myself and hold myself back sometimes. But I love joking around with my friends. I love playing around, having a sense humor, I just love being funny. Otherwise, life gets boring. You have to be entertaining you know? Keep the crowd laughing, or rather, yourself laughing. So I throw around jokes and “diss” my friends every once in a while. I’m never blunt or mean, I say things in a clever way where you have to step back, think it over, before realizing I had just made fun of you, haha.

4. Anyone that hurts me emotionally never gets away with it. I will always find my revenge. And I can be so cruel when that happens, it scares me. I will send indirect messages, if you can tell what that means. Like I will say things purposely to make someone realize how they’ve hurt me. I will say such things that the guilt will drive into you and slap you in the face without me having to lay a hand on you. I’m just good at those things. And I know its more harsh because it’s not direct, and its not obvious, but it relates so closely to what’s really going on, that it is pretty clear what I am trying to say. I guess some people might call it cruel. But hey, don’t hurt me then. Don’t mess with me. Don’t have anything to be guilty about concerning me. Then it’ll be fine. But hurt me once, and I’ll torture you a few times with lines that mean more than what they say and you will feel it. I can promise you that.

So yeah, those are just a few key things I have realized about my personality.

Comment below and tell me what you think of me! 🙂