Posts Tagged ‘patience’

This post is about my parents. So I’m warning you now. If you’ll criticize me for thinking this way, you can go elsewhere.

The thing is, I feel like I’m stuck. With them. Except not so literally. I’m stuck in the way I am with them and they way they are with me. I’m stuck in the life of a 12 year old basically. And I can’t get past this. Because at first, it was my parents punishing me. Then it was me punishing me because I couldn’t accept that I wasn’t perfect. Now it’s just the norm.

I can’t get past that. I have little to no freedom. As far as they know, I don’t talk to a single guy. I don’t hang out with friends. I have no life. I don’t even have a smart phone.

And here’s the point where you can criticize me. Tell me that I’m a brat. Wanting material things when other people have it worse. Yes, I get it, I have a roof over my head and food on my plate, I should so grateful. And I am grateful for that bit. But it’s not just that.

I don’t have trust. They don’t trust me. And I never asked for that trust. Because in reality, no kid really deserves trust. Every kid lies, every kid doesn’t tell the complete truth, don’t try to tell me otherwise. No kid is perfect. But without trust, there can be no relationship. At all.

Because I knew I could never count on myself to tell them the complete truth, 100%, all the time, I never thought I deserved the trust at all. And they accepted that. But I can’t live like this anymore. I’m getting older. Yet I’m living the same shitty old reality day by day.

If life was a movie, the main character would go to her parents, and they’d sit down in the comfy old living room together, and they’d have this big ole talk about each other’s feeling’s, and both sides would understand, and they’d compromise, it would end with a big ole hug and everything would be okay.

But life is not like that. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and count the days.


I don’t know if I have ever mentioned this on this blog, but I have an obsession with music.

Then again, it’s safe to assume that almost every other teenager has an obsession with music so I’m not going to pretend like mines is anything special from every other teenager in this world.

But seriously, I cant do certain things without music.

For example, studying, homework, eating, chores, talking, chatting, and um just about anything else I can manage to do with music playing in the background.

It tends to turn into a habit.

And I don’t have an Ipod, or a decent phone that I would enjoy listening music out of for that matter.

So I’m always on the computer, laptop, on Youtube, blasting all different kinds of music.

I don’t know why, but even though there are tons of other websites I can listen to music from, I always use Youtube. It’s like tradition- even though most times, I don’t even stick around to watch the video, I’m doing something else as I’m listening and singing along at the top of my lungs of course.

So imagine my impatience when Youtube decides to freeze up on every 5 seconds. Maybe it’s my over clicking or maybe it’s my slow crappy computer  connection.

Or maybe, maybe it’s just Youtube, and all it’s stupid effects, and all the stupid advertisements.

Yes, I understand that if it weren’t for the advertisements, we would all have to pay for Youtube and we should be thankful that these ads are keeping Youtube free for all of us.

But I really couldn’t give a flying crap about the old man standing on my screen before my video starts asking me if I am aware of how much caffeine Americans consume per day. But if I were to answer and if he were to listen, I would say loud and clear, “No Mister, I really don’t know, but you know what, I really don’t care, I really just need you to get your butt off my screen so I can go on with my video and music, thank you very much.”

But unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.

Unfortunately, I have to wait for the advertisement to finish before I am allowed to watch my video.

Unfortunately, I have to spend a warm summer day sitting here wasting my time, watching this ad when I could be listening to my music.

Oh, I haven’t even told you the best part yet.

The best part, the oh so entertaining part of all this (please note my sarcasm), is when the advertisement I am trying to watch patiently to get to my video, stops to load!

Yeah, first my video decides to stop to load. Then  an advertisement comes up and I feel like throwing my computer out the window.

Then I take a deep breath and tell myself that I can wait, music is worth it.

Then I try to pretend I give the tiniest crap on whatever the advertisement is trying to tell me.

And then, then the advertisement decides to stop to load!

The thing that I didn’t want to watch, but have to watch in order to watch what I do want to watch, stops to load.

If I barely had the patience to wait for the thing that I wanted to watch to load, can you imagine how much patience I have to wait for something that I didn’t want to watch at the first place?

Yeah, not really loads of fun.

Well, I’m done taking up your time with this rant.

I ❤ music.

I think I’ll go cry to my parents for an Ipod now.

Ta-ta for now lovies.