Posts Tagged ‘teenager’

I feel suffocated sometimes as a teenager. Not even, just being in my house, being around my family sometimes suffocates me. Just because everything is so restricted and everything you do and say gets thrown right back at your face.

It’s really hard keeping it together sometimes when all you wanna do is throw a tantrum like “a typical teen” and slam some doors and turn up the music and pout for a while.

Sometimes I just wonder, when the hell can I get out of here? When can I move out, is more like it.

I wanna be independent. I wanna be free. Free of any rules and restrictions and troubles. Although I’m smart enough to know that moving out won’t help any.

I miss being a kid. When I was young, I had my future all planned out.

I would turn 18, have such great grades that I would go to a school far away from home.

And that would be it. That would be my one way ticket out of here. Just use that to run away and never come back.

The future seemed so much cooler to think about whens a kid.

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So recently a friend of mine was like “A girl in your AP Biology class is so hot.”

And I was thinking, “Who is he talking about? Everybody is smart in my class, there’s no one who dresses like a slut.”

Forgive me if my thoughts are too blunt or cruel, but you must understand, these were my thoughts, they came automatically, and unfortunately honestly.

Later, my friend told me the name of the girl he thoughts was “hot”. I was like “Oh, her? She’s pretty,”

And he goes, “Yeah, that’s what I said,”

I rolled my eyes and said, “No, you said she was hot.”

He looks at me with a dumbstruck face. “Isn’t that the same thing?”

So I sighed and explained to him the difference:

No, they are not the same thing. When guys call girl’s “hot” it’s usually because they have a “hot body”. As in, tiny waist, big breasts, and a high round butt.

Pretty would be a pretty face- natrually pretty- good features that don’t need a hot body.

So no, my friend, they are not the same thing.

In fact, calling a pretty girl “hot” is pretty much an insult. Pretty girls don’t need a “hot body” because they are pretty. Hot girls are usually not very pretty by the time guys have dragged their eyes up to their face from their body. And that’s why they work so hard to flash off their “hot body”.

Duh.

So this morning when I woke up, I went up to the mirror to get ready for school.

The mirror broke due to my hideous face so I had to comb my feathers without a reflection.

It was another day, just another high school day with the other duckies, except I had to be the one ugly duckling out there.

Okay, so I haven’t turned into a duckling and that up there is a bad acting example.

But here’s the thing: I have tried out for the school musical!

It’s called HONK! Otherwise known as the story of the ugly duckling.

And I sang for audition.

What’s really annoying is that I prepared a whole song and she just cut me off.

Fine, whatever, she doesn’t know how amazing the ending was going to be..

But I also acted for a short scene.

I played Queenie, who is a cold hearted, snobby little cat.

And would you believe it, I think I actually did pretty good.

But of course, it would be really amazing if I could win the lead role, Ugly.

BUT I will be satisfied just to be a part.

And this is really something new that I’m trying.

So I can’t wait to see how everything turns out!

….

Sounds real cheery, right?

Pfft! Like life could really be like that.

The above is true, however, as per usual, there is a bump in the road.

That bump takes the form of two girls who have nice voices- and are very well aware that they do have nice voices- and choose to show off about it.

I knew them since last year, and I’ve always sensed a cold attitude from them.

And truth be told, it’s really annoying, having them there singing high notes and giggling and showing off because really, if you know you’re good, maybe you could hold your ego back and I don’t know- be humble instead of showy??

But oh wells, it was absolutely no surprise that they were trying out and I probably won’t be surprised if they win major roles.

But you know what?

I am not even going to let them stop me from being the absolute best I can be.

So I decided I wanted to be productive this summer.

I had no places to go, no big vacation planned, no hassle.

So I wanted to stay home, study, catch up on SAT prep and look at different colleges.

That’s where my issues start.

College.

I like looking through colleges and trying to think where I could see my future happening.

But when I look at my dream college’s requirements, my head swoons.

Yes, they require top SAT scores, and high GPA, that was expected.

But there are so many other stuff. Kids complain that we are more than an SAT score, and colleges only base acceptance on SAT, but the thing is, that’s not the only thing.

There is so much more. If SAT scores were all that mattered, we’d actually have it easy.

Just lock ourselves away for a couple of months, studying for the SAT and figuring out each and every method to get the highest score possible.

Of course, then we’d just let go of everything else. Prioritize.

But that’s not the case. Because apparently, college’s don’t want full nerds. They want a “well-rounded” student. Which, in my point of view, is a sugar coated lie for “a perfect student”.

They want a student that can juggle everything: Someone who’s the leader of clubs, organizes things or groups, volunteers, part-time jobs, internships, plays a sport or instrument, kisses up to teachers, flirts their way into good recommendations and have an amazing top SAT score in the midst of it all.

Oh, and don’t forget to add on the essay and polished application they want.

They pick through everything, is what I see.

And then there’s always the matter of cost. And they only really give the best scholarships to the kids that have the best grades or the kids that are athletes or musicians or whatever. And it’s all just too much.

It’s so much.

And I’m wondering now, because I want to be ahead of time for once instead of procrastinating like I do for everything else.

And that is why every once in a while, even though I have not even stepped into my Junior year of High School, I like to freak myself up over all this college stuff so I can continue doing that all the until I reach the front door of my future college, wherever that may be.

Oh and besides everything in this post…

Shouldn’t I be having fun in the summer times also?

^ I HATE THAT.

So here’s the story:

This morning when I woke up, my first thought was “It’s the first day of summer.” I should have something excited planned right? Or at least a plan to sit with a huge bowl of ice cream and watch reality tv shows for a couple hours straight?

 

Wrong. My first plan was to go get some tissue’s and clean up my snot filled nose.

Would you believe it, I got a runny nose on the first day of summer vacation? Well I guess it makes sense since I kept the AC running all night (hey, it was hot).

But around the afternoon, I decided to take a trip to the library. Is that weird, that I want to spend my first day of vacation at a library? I don’t know, call me weird, but I like to spend time at the library.

Well who would dress up to go to the library? No one. I guess. But most people would make sure they look okay in case they bump into someone.

But no, I just assumed I live alone in this world and the people I see in school don’t exist anywhere else.

So I went out with my bummy look.

My over sized, baggiest jeans- seriously, I think you could stuff and elephant in there. My short sleeved, also fairly baggy, t-shirt that I bought years ago. And lastly to top it all off, a rat’s nest of a hair-do stuffed into a bun at the back of my head held together with one chopstick sticking through it.

Oh-so attractive, right?

But who cares? I was just going to the library. Not like anyone was going to see me.

WROONNGGGGG!!!

Just when I least suspected it, when I was walking distracted, with my head down, I bump into him. Not a significant him I guess, or rather, I’ve doing everything I can so he isn’t a rather significant him. But who him is doesn;t even make a difference.

The point is, I just kind of looked at him, failed to say hi, out of embarrassment, even though he was looking at me.

And he just asks what I’m doing there. I tell him. I ask him the same, considering I know for a fact he lives a couple blocks away (not because I’m a stalker but because he told me, mind you) and he tells me he just came to pick up something from the post office (well duh).

And then we just kind of stand there awkwardly. He offers me a sip of his drink. I don’t even know what drink it was, I didn’t look at it at all, just stared ahead and refused. He asked what was wrong and I quickly said nothing. A few awkward seconds later, I mumbled a goodbye and headed off in a separate direction.

I don’t even know why I was so freaked out.

Happens to everybody.

I think from now on, every time I leave the house, I will double check my appearance.

I’ve lived in my neighborhood for as long as I can walk and I can say that it’s an okay neighborhood. Everything is within reach, we got the subway a few blocks down, bus stop right outside our front door, a deli on every street, and a laundromat on every two.

There is just one thing that has only been the same and I’m not sure when it will change. Pedophiles.

Personally, I’ve never seen them actually do any harm, but I just find them downright creepy.

Do they not have lives or wives to go home to? And if they don’t have wives, shouldn’t they be looking for one that’s… oh I don’t know, NOT A TEENAGE GIRL TRYING TO GET TO SCHOOL??

The other day I was walking to the subway to get to school and I was totally minding my own business. Seriously, it’s not I like I even saw them or batted an eyelash at them or anything. Just walking, daydreaming, humming some old catchy love song.

And all of a sudden a stumbling man staggers towards me and gives me a half smile (I should tell you it wasn’t a pleasant one either, his teeth were yellow and crooked) and he just goes, “Woww, you’re pruttyy.”

How was I supposed to react? Because what I did was shake my head so hard I think my brain got scared. And then I said, “No, Nope, I’m really not.”

Then I shoved past them and ran down the street to get to some safety.

They didn’t anything, but still it pisses me off.

Why hit on young girls on the streets when they are clearly not interested?

And more so, it wasn’t even late at night or anything like that.

It was 8am in the morning!

And I was on my way to school.

Stuff like that just cannot be tolerated.

That’s what some of my friends sometimes say to me. And the answer I give them: Yes! I do stress! Because without stressing I feel like I didn’t put in my best, the most effort I could possibly put in. And besides that, with all the pressure coming from all different directions, how can you not stress??

The school year is ending, except not quite. Except the ending is really just beginning. Now is when it starts to hit you that you are only a few months away from going onto the next year. It seems like just a few months I had just started this year! And now it’s like the year is pretty much over and if I don’t remember everything I learned this whole school year, I am so screwed.

And then comes the idea that life is moving way too fast. Didn’t I just start high school? Oh wait, I’m half way done with high school and my future is giving me creepy little smirks from the distance making me wonder what is to come.

Oh yeah, and add in the pressure from the parents. The whole, “you’re almost grown up now, better map out the rest of your life.” The parents are the reason you’re breathing the air you’re breathing, living the way you’re living. They went through so much to give you a good future and provide the best for you and god forbid you screw up, it’s going to be a major disappointment. Yeah, I’ve heard it all before, it might as well be written on the back of my hand.

What if I’m not sure how the future is going to turn out? What if I’m not completely positive that this is the path that I want to take? What if, what if… what if I’m just over thinking everything like I always do. Letting things get to me and freaking out over nothing? After all, everyone’s either going through the same thoughts or went through the same thoughts at once right? That’s probably it, I just have a habit to stress. It makes me feel like if I do mess up, I did try not to mess up and worry beforehand. So that’s good… right? .-.