I Might Need Psychological Help

Sometimes I feel like I’m in an inner war with myself.

Like I know right from wrong but I do wrong and it starts bugging me and I don’t know what to do to make it right.

I’m a bad person. Okay, so I’m probably not. Maybe not completely. But sometimes I get mean. And I give attitude for no reason. But then, I feel like complete shit afterwards. Like, for days, I’ll feel like complete shit. It bugs me. It gets to me. It gets to me so much that I can’t even study for my midterm which is what I’m supposed to be doing now.

I’ve been giving attitude lately to one of my friends. And I don’t think he really did anything. Not really. It’s just- I feel dumb around him. He has a way of making me feel completely foolish. He doesn’t really brag about his grades- in fact, he doesn’t brag at all.

It’s the fact that when you ask him, he says his grades so nonchalantly, and he admits he doesn’t study at all, he doesn’t really try, and you have to wonder how the hell you can study your ass of to get an average grade and watch someone get awesome grades without trying.

And that got to me, I guess. It’s a problem. Maybe that makes me arrogant. I can’t stand the idea of someone else being smart without working their butt off. But that’s no reason to give them attitude.

And that’s what I’ve been doing. And he knows it too. And I bet you he knows why. And I know he knows. And so now, I feel terrible.

And that’s what lead me to rushing over to my blog to rant out all my thoughts and clear my head.

So now maybe, maybe, I can get to studying for my test.